Friday was rough for some reason, my brain was working against me in every possible way.
Saturday was pretty good though. Went to a wedding for my friends Trista and Brett. Possibly the coolest wedding I've ever been to. Then I went to a graduation party for my friend Carson, where I spent some time with some friends and accidentally struck up a conversation with another friend's mom (without realizing it was her mom, lol).
Sunday went to church, Jennilee and Ashley (two of my precious treasure friends) knew I was coming, but my friends Charity, Matthew, Frank, and Dax acted kind of surprised to see me there, which was ok. I love going to SSAG, it really has a 'home' kind of feel for me. Pastor Jack spoke on something that I needed to hear, and it was good. Afterwards, we went to the park and hung out for a while, then the gals went to Jennilee's for some worship time...it was AWESOME>.
the enemy is fighting me in my emotions right now...please pray for me as far as that goes.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
full heart...
DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're reading a post of someone with a full heart. These past few days have been SO HARD.
I was depressed. I will not lie. I have wonderful friends and family, and some of them have been distracting me from my depression, which has been such a help.
I have a few friends that I'm going to start calling my precious treasures. God has this tendency to send people when we need them most, and God has been sending me some very good friends as of late.
Precious treasure friend #1 for this post is Matt, who listened to my ramblings most of the weekend (yes mom, he has verizon....the bill isn't gonna be ridiculous). Matt has a very patient ear (or a thumb, since he likes to text).
Precious treasure friend #2 is Gracie. Gracie is such an amazing inspiration sometimes, and God has used her many times to tell me exactly what He wanted me to hear. Today, she sent me this message:
I feel lead to tell you that God's love for you is so vast and enormous, bigger than all the oceans put together. And what can separate u from his reckless pursuit, everlasting romance, and this father heart towards you???? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!! You are his and he is yours. He calls you beloved and wont let you leave his sight. Even if you try to roam into other territory than the land he is given you....He cant help himself but to come chase after his beloved, YOU, a treasure more valuable than gold. He calls you fair one, and delights in your figure and face:)
You are "seated in His delightful shade and His fruit is delicious to eat. He brings YOU to the banqueting hall so that everyone can see how much He loves you"! SOS 2:3-4
I encourage you to PRESS into the Lord and give him anything that may be wearing you down. He is ready to take it, but He wants you to willingly give it in trust and have a surrendered heart. He is not forceful, but beautifully gentle, and will not take without you offering.
"SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND THE R E S T WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU"!
And the thoughts hereafter are partially the reply I sent to Gracie, when I let my heart run and everything just kind of came out:
I need the Father to heal my heart, but my stubborn will doesn't want to give up all of the pieces. I've learned lately that I have a major problem with wanting to be in control of EVERYTHING, which is such a problem when I'm trying to live for God.
I held onto Seth for so long, just because it was comfortable. Even though I felt that pull, that God wanted me closer to Him, walking with HIM and letting Him lead me, I held onto Seth, just because I could see something the world would call secure. I let Seth be my comfort and my shelter, when I should have been letting the Father have rule. Separating from Seth was the HARDEST thing I've done in a very long time, mainly because it meant losing that comfort that my flesh loved and wanted, and my ever-deceitful heart has made me question what I did a million and three times, but I know that I did what the Father asked me to do, and follow HIM, that GOD wants to be my shelter, refuge, and wants to tell me that HE thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful.
So many times I get bogged down in the guilt of my sin, that 'Now you know you shouldn't have done that' mode of thought, even though I know that God is faithful and just to forgive. I often forget that God's love is so PERFECT, and that God wishes to comfort me when I feel like He should be punching me in the face. Even when I feel unclean and unloveable, He's STILL chasing after me, wanting to tell me that HE finds me beautiful and wonderful, and that even when I don't see it, He sees a beautiful, wonderful, and magnificent creation.
Some of the people at church on Sunday were not being incredibly sensitive to the break-up and to my feelings, and I heard a few of them talking behind my back, which didn't help the fact that I was already incredibly upset. However, my grandmother figure gently reminded me that "God's got you, and He's got that way of knowing what's best, even when we don't believe it for ourselves, and He wouldn't lead His beautiful daughter to the valley if the view from the mountain wasn't GLORIOUS.'
*I'm aware that this got very rambley, but my heart was full, i thought i should share*
I was depressed. I will not lie. I have wonderful friends and family, and some of them have been distracting me from my depression, which has been such a help.
I have a few friends that I'm going to start calling my precious treasures. God has this tendency to send people when we need them most, and God has been sending me some very good friends as of late.
Precious treasure friend #1 for this post is Matt, who listened to my ramblings most of the weekend (yes mom, he has verizon....the bill isn't gonna be ridiculous). Matt has a very patient ear (or a thumb, since he likes to text).
Precious treasure friend #2 is Gracie. Gracie is such an amazing inspiration sometimes, and God has used her many times to tell me exactly what He wanted me to hear. Today, she sent me this message:
I feel lead to tell you that God's love for you is so vast and enormous, bigger than all the oceans put together. And what can separate u from his reckless pursuit, everlasting romance, and this father heart towards you???? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!! You are his and he is yours. He calls you beloved and wont let you leave his sight. Even if you try to roam into other territory than the land he is given you....He cant help himself but to come chase after his beloved, YOU, a treasure more valuable than gold. He calls you fair one, and delights in your figure and face:)
You are "seated in His delightful shade and His fruit is delicious to eat. He brings YOU to the banqueting hall so that everyone can see how much He loves you"! SOS 2:3-4
I encourage you to PRESS into the Lord and give him anything that may be wearing you down. He is ready to take it, but He wants you to willingly give it in trust and have a surrendered heart. He is not forceful, but beautifully gentle, and will not take without you offering.
"SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND THE R E S T WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU"!
And the thoughts hereafter are partially the reply I sent to Gracie, when I let my heart run and everything just kind of came out:
I need the Father to heal my heart, but my stubborn will doesn't want to give up all of the pieces. I've learned lately that I have a major problem with wanting to be in control of EVERYTHING, which is such a problem when I'm trying to live for God.
I held onto Seth for so long, just because it was comfortable. Even though I felt that pull, that God wanted me closer to Him, walking with HIM and letting Him lead me, I held onto Seth, just because I could see something the world would call secure. I let Seth be my comfort and my shelter, when I should have been letting the Father have rule. Separating from Seth was the HARDEST thing I've done in a very long time, mainly because it meant losing that comfort that my flesh loved and wanted, and my ever-deceitful heart has made me question what I did a million and three times, but I know that I did what the Father asked me to do, and follow HIM, that GOD wants to be my shelter, refuge, and wants to tell me that HE thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful.
So many times I get bogged down in the guilt of my sin, that 'Now you know you shouldn't have done that' mode of thought, even though I know that God is faithful and just to forgive. I often forget that God's love is so PERFECT, and that God wishes to comfort me when I feel like He should be punching me in the face. Even when I feel unclean and unloveable, He's STILL chasing after me, wanting to tell me that HE finds me beautiful and wonderful, and that even when I don't see it, He sees a beautiful, wonderful, and magnificent creation.
Some of the people at church on Sunday were not being incredibly sensitive to the break-up and to my feelings, and I heard a few of them talking behind my back, which didn't help the fact that I was already incredibly upset. However, my grandmother figure gently reminded me that "God's got you, and He's got that way of knowing what's best, even when we don't believe it for ourselves, and He wouldn't lead His beautiful daughter to the valley if the view from the mountain wasn't GLORIOUS.'
*I'm aware that this got very rambley, but my heart was full, i thought i should share*
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I promised a sweet story....
and this sweet story will be shared...but not without a very goofy picture of my two favorite little people in the entire world...at one point at the medallions concert, Ellie was attempting to take a picture...and couldn't quite get it...enter Josh, her new best friend. Josh grabs my camera and takes the picture for Ellie (of Justin in the last post). He then takes this super cute picture of me and Ellie
------------------------------>
But the sweetness didn't end there (Josh is a very, very sweet guy, as I learned). At one point, Ellie fell asleep during the concert. I was trying to wake her up, but she was very, very grouchy. Josh saw me and Valerie trying to get her awake and walked over, picked her up, and they had a very nice talk (from what Ellie told me). They sat down, at at one point, Josh sang the backpack song from Dora, just to make her smile)
and my mother wonders why I love these guys....
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