somewhat confused about what to do.

In the words of Kelly Clarkson....

If I could hold on through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful, or just a beautiful disaster?

attempts at reading

I dislike Mondays.
I told my friend Matt today that if if Mondays didn't exist, Tuesdays ran away, Wednesdays took a long vacation, and Thursdays disappeared, school wouldn't suck quite as bad...and I believe that today.
In complete honesty, I do not like reading for this history class. Right now, I'm taking a five minute break from reading chapters in the Koran, which (1) screams 'Jesus is not happy with you right now!' and (2) isn't all that interesting or easy to follow, especially when there are 100+ verses in one chapter (thank you to the psalmists for only having one chapter be that long).
This semester, I've read a lot in my history classes that compromises my faith. It's not making me do some 'second guess' of who Jesus is or what's truth and what's not truth, but it does make me appreciate the simple faith and trust in a Savior who is bigger than me.

When my teacher asks "Do you really know if Jesus existed?", it makes me a tad angry. He goes on the basis that no one, other than the historian Josephus, wrote about Jesus, and Josephus didn't describe him as the Messiah that Christians believe. The Romans had no record of him, and he never wrote anything down, and only one of the gospel writers was actually there.
At this point, I'm not happy.
My friend Jesse called him down on the last note: Matthew and John were both disciples, Mark witnessed much of what happened in the early days and had a first hand account of parts of the gospel from Peter, and Luke was a doctor at the time that witnessed parts of Jesus's ministry.

Here were my thoughts:
Josephus was a Jew. The Jews rejected Jesus as Messiah. Of course he's not going to be mentioned as the messiah.
The Romans weren't originally fond of Jesus...and they had Him put to death. Why write out a large record of someone you didn't want around.
If you use the logic of 'He didnt write anything down, so he must not exist,' then you have to use it with other historical figures. Notably, Socrates. He didn't write anything down either, but no one seems to question his existence. But, if my teacher can question the existence of my Savior on the basis of Jesus not writing anything down, then I can question the existence of a philosopher.

Anyways...just had to rant on that a little bit.
On a brighter note, Saturday is one day closer. If you live in waycross, ga, you know that it's SWAMPFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and Saturday is the Swingin' Medallions!!!!!!! I LOVE the Medallions. My daddy swears it's because my Aunt Vikki and Uncle Wayne had a hand in raising me...they always listened to the oldies, and their daughter (who is 15 years and a day older than me, probably not very happy that I gave away her age, and she's always been one of my very, very favorite people on the planet) went to her share of Medallions concerts when she was in high school...told me I needed to go, I went...and now it's an obsession...that my dad chooses to explain as 'Oh, she was raised by the Brigman's. I'm hoping Mysti will come with me, either this weekend or in June...but considering she's having a baby in August, I'm thinking that the likelihood is higher for Saturday.

Really, really emotionally exhausted.

Friday morning, the world lost a great man of God. I lost a friend.
Penn Mobley was one of the first friends I made in Savannah. He had a tenacity, humor, and wit that were unmatched by anyone that I had ever met. His crazy man ways were enough to make anyone laugh out loud.
He had beaten cancer twice, and was ready for whatever God had in store for him.
I had just seen him on Tuesday...we talked, we joked, I got a Penn-hug. Wednesday, he was in a coma. Thursday, he was declared braindead. Friday morning, he was gone.
I believe that his soul had gone to be with the Father Thursday night, his body was just catching up. These past few days have been tough. I want to focus on the happiness, not on the sadness that I'm feeling. So, I started going through pictures. Penn had this habit of making people laugh...and doing extremely goofy things...
Like when he and Karie tried to open up a can of mandarin oranges with an ice pick and a metal pitcher.




How he flexed his man muscles...then said 'please...what muscles?' when i posted it on my facebook page.




and how he kept trying to eat them...just to hear autumn say 'PENN! STOP IT!' (yes, that picture was totally posed...and worth it, lol)


**More to come...went through some more pictures and found a lot more...**

Song of my heart

We've been singing this song alot at bible study on Thursday nights. I thought it'd be fitting to share.


How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

waiting....

I'm waiting to hear a presidential speech.
from the actual president.
He's in savannah, in case anyone missed it, but I wasnt invited to the campus, so I can't actually be there to witness it.
Which I find interesting, to say the least.
anyways, contemplating typing out what i think.
and apparently there is a slim chance he'll be touring different places...so I have the camera ready just in case.